In the last year, I have gotten into a habit of shopping. Now, when I say that, I’m not talking about Rebecca Bloomwood-level shopping. I don’t buy expensive things, usually. I’m talking about Walmart, Dollar General, department stores, etc. And it’s not always ridiculous amounts of stuff or anything; I actually can’t do that because I already have a bit of a cluttered house that I will be cleaning up soon. (I am writing that here so that I can hold myself accountable for doing that.) Still, I buy more stuff than I would like.
I don’t know that I would say it’s a shopping addiction, but maybe it is. I don’t want to downplay it, but it’s not like the hoarders show or anything.
I feel like social media can definitely fuel this. We’ve all seen the girlie memes about “getting yourself a treat” or whatever. I actually tend to enjoy food more than anything when it comes to that sort of thing, to be honest. At least when it’s food, you are going to eat it rather than take it home and have it sit collecting dust on your desk for one thousand years. And at least you can justify it differently because everyone needs to eat! (I argue this as I buy Arby’s mozzarella sticks.)
In any case, I feel that we have that voice that says, “Go ahead. What does it matter? You probably would have spent the money, anyway.” That’s true, but if the item(s) in question are not absolutely something you really want to a substantial degree, I wouldn’t do it. That phrase “to a substantial degree” is important. You might see a cool pink skirt and really want it because it’s cute, but like……….are you really going to wear it? It’s a little shorter than you are used to, it looks like something a younger person would wear………….blah, blah, blah. Long story short, if it’s not a “heck yeah,” it’s a “heck nah.” But when you have the issue I’ve had, the impulse it, “I want the skirt, so I’m buying it.”
The weird thing with me developing this habit is that I used to be the opposite. I was in a “I need to save” mindset. My grandmother taught me how to shop clearance and how to look at the prices versus amounts on food. She taught me what to look at as far as clothes and what to avoid. But then I went through a really tough time starting a few years ago. My grandmother started getting sick. I feel that I probably lived in survival mode, including the “save money like crazy” mentality. When she got way worse about a year ago, I had also started driving, I was more able to go do what I wanted. So, stores were more accessible. And that is where it started.
But it’s not just that stuff was more accessible, I don’t think. That is part of the reason the habit developed. However, when I experience a “shopping episode,” there are thoughts that accompany the impulse such as “You will use this item” or “You never got to get stuff like this before.” So, it’s almost a coping mechanism for having lack in the past, I guess? That may not be all it is, but I definitely know that it’s another part of it.
Yet another aspect that I believe is at the root of it is not wanting to be alone and bored. When I sit alone at my house and try to just do quiet activity, I get stir-crazy and want to get out of the house. One of the only things to do where I live is…….yep, you guessed it: shop. I can go and be around people while also not being bored. However, this is not a healthy way to deal with loneliness or boredom at all. Even if I walk into a store and don’t buy anything (which has happened), it’s still reinforcing the habit of going to a store to relieve the loneliness or boredom, and it’s not conducive to my other goals like my writing, getting work done, etc.
I’ve put a pause on buying anything other than groceries as of the other day. I’m going to try and stick to it. I’ve already gotten a little stricter as far as buying food and coffees. One thing that’s scaring me about this whole issue is that I’m afraid of a man perceiving me having this habit and not dating me due to financial concern. I mean, it would be valid. How can I expect a man to want to step into a possible situation where he would end up having to help me financially? Of course, a man should want to help you in a general sense, but I wouldn’t want that sense of obligation to be there, and especially just because I’d had a shopping issue.
At least I’ve acknowledged it. It’s not just something I’m ignoring. I’m also taking steps to improve it. I know what the possible triggers are. So, how am I possibly going to stop myself from getting in the car to go to the store? What if I’m already at Walmart doing the grocery shopping and I happen to walk into an aisle where I want to impulse-buy stuff?
Well, if it’s a situation where I’m at home and want to get in my car, I’m going to try and just tell myself, “I just want to go driving.” I have actually gotten to the point where even walking into some of the stores make me sad and bored. It’s the same items (or similar), I don’t know any of the other random people there, and I know I shouldn’t be there. So, it’s just not fun. If it’s a situation where I’m already having to be at the grocery store, I just tell myself there are other things I want to do at home (like read and watch movies), and to do that, I have to get the basic grocery shopping done. That will be easier said than done one some days, but I know that I have to be better at budgeting.
I tried a process last week when I went thrifting during my day trip to Paris, Texas. After picking some stuff at the store, I stopped and went through each item asking if I truly needed it. I know that sounds so obvious, but really. I stopped and imagined myself bringing that item home. And in a few cases, I thought, “I could literally get this item anywhere else, and I don’t need it right now.” Or, I thought, “I will probably bring this home and use it one time.” And I did that process with everything before settling on my items and going to the checkout line. I still bought more than I probably should have, but most of it was all stuff I specifically need right now. (I know, I know.)
I already can never afford to buy a house unless there is a drastic improvement in my income. I’m not heartbroken by that, and it would probably be the case even without having a problem with impulse purchases, but I don’t want to make it worse. I also just don’t want to be financially irresponsible. I feel like I’m past the point of using “coping” as an excuse.
Basically, this was just a post for me to unpack all of this, but I hope it helped someone else, too.
Talk soon. :)
-Josee